So I’ve been thinking about this for a while – writing a blog. I read many blogs these days and with Facebook, its easier to read them as they frequently pop up on my news feed. Here’s another one going on about the same things you’ve probably already read about but you haven’t yet heard it from me. I’m Haley, I’m a play at home mum, I used to be a nursery nurse, nanny and childminder (not all at once – over 13 years) and I’m sat here after another very early morning wake up from our (time to introduce my husband and proud father, Chris) delightful (I truly, madly deeply mean this) 18 month old daughter. (We call her Red, so can you) Red came home to us as a bouncy 6 month old last September (one of our dogs were upset to find out – he ended up going to a new home, he’s much happier and so is our remaining dog now that he gets all the furry cuddles) Since then we have found life to be easier than we thought in some respects and then, when we weren’t expecting it, things got harder. Don’t get me wrong, all those things they told us in the prep group and whilst on home study, we did get very lucky and Red’s situation was easier to handle than others we know on their journeys and most of the issues we have faced have been baby related as opposed to adoption related – we have that to come, I assure you.
So this is my first blog post, I have started many blogs and diaries before but life does seem to take over and updating them always seems like the last thing I want to do, despite enjoying writing. Put that down to extreme tiredness that I wasn’t expecting, even though I was told about it, read about it, warned about it. (I didn’t need warning about it, I knew everything already because I have worked with kids, remember) and I had the magic touch. The ins and outs quickly, no need for separate blog posts that bore you to death about how we got here. Chris and I have been together for 13 years. We got married in 2007 and wanted babies straight away, standard for most couples. It didn’t work, we tried the turkey baster bit (not literally, the fertility centre took care of that) That didn’t work and we decided adoption was the way to go. Fast forward through prep group, home study, adoption and matching panels, the choosing part (the hardest bit) and introductions, we finally have Red home. (Red is currently reading herself a book as we have been up since 3 – she would like to take this opportunity to wave a sleepy yet determined to stay awake hand) So we never thought parenting, let alone parenting an adopted child would be easy but dodging wildebeest on the plains of Africa would have been more straightforward. And it isn’t really the sleepless nights that have been hard, or the tantrums Red started having at 10 months that bother me. The extreme tiredness for the endless need for attention, the obliteration of my day time nap (even though she gets a pucka 2 hours after lunch, I sit with matchsticks in my eyes as I cannot switch off) and the constant worry of what she will do next that might cause the sky to fall down. I found myself in a web of post adoption depression (where did that come from, I didn’t waited hundreds of years to become a parent to spend my days crying on the sofa, I should have been deliriously happy??) and the dread that people were watching me to see that I was failing even though ‘I should know better’ (the words I used on my useless CBT course (it doesn’t work for every one) Red pushed all of my buttons yet my ‘inexperienced’ laid back husband was getting through fine and he had to be the strong one, take over night feeds, and come home to a dribbling, snotty mess most days (me, not Red) Skip forward many (happy, deliriously happy, I promise) days out, a Christmas, Mother’s Day, birthdays, a summer etc etc, to now – 18 months old, a walking and talking, hilarious little girl, our rainbow.
The nickname Red was borne out of the fact that most of her clothing was red, although she does tend to wear the most colourful clothing, her stand alone colour that suits her most is definitely red. She is an angel one minute, a demon the next (appropriate for her age, what child of under 2 isn’t?) despite not really enjoying cuddles in the beginning, she loves sitting with her muzzy and Eeyore for a chat and a bit of affection in front of the telly (don’t tell the social workers) or a good book. An adopted child doesn’t have to be different from other children from natural families – to look at us we look every bit related, Red tends to have my attitude, Chris’s looks and her own mind to do what she wants, when she wants (most of the time) We waited a long time ON red but we finally got what we were waiting for after waiting FOR Red and what we waited for may not have been what we expected but it was worth waiting for. Time for a cuppa, I’ve been up since 3 and Red is back in bed and Chris has gone to work so it might just be time to watch Masters of Sex too – the only time I get for it 😉 6.30am…
Waiting for Red 